Category Archives: Text

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” – George Carlin

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? – George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to. – George Carlin

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter. – George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. – George Carlin

I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade. – George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired. – George Carlin

If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party. – George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music. – George Carlin

The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash. – George Carlin