Category Archives: Text

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem. – George Carlin

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? – George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. – George Carlin

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. – George Carlin

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. – George Carlin

What year did Jesus think it was? – George Carlin

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. – George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. – George Carlin

You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick. – George Carlin

“If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it’s either a new woman or a new car!”